Hey all, here’s a short story about my take on making music and how to deal with stage fright. In a nutshell: I’ve been playing keyboard/piano since I was 13 years old, I’ve added guitar when I was around 15 and I always wanted to be really good at singing. I have recordings from very old flip-phones of me sounding horrible while howling along with very crappy karaoke clips. I sounded really, really awful. With some of the louder songs I was afraid people would hear me, so I would occasionally cycle to an abandoned hillside, guitar on my back, to practice singing by myself. When I was in seventh grade, I worked up the courage to audition for a simple high school Christmas choir. I was really nervous and shaking but when I was singing I thought the nerves actually added some cool vibrato to my voice. Sadly, I was rejected for the choir and I thought I would never be any good.
I developed a weird form of stage fright. The only people who would ever “really” hear me sing were two close friends. Over the years, I was developing my singing abilities and I got to the point where people sometimes commented that I sounded alright. Still, I was reluctant to sing for people. I was, and I still am, afraid to make mistakes. When it comes to piano (or guitar), I am not that nervous. I know I can play some songs that will impress anyone who doesn’t really play these instruments, and even when they do, what are the chances they know the exact same songs as I do? I always feel like the most beautiful songs for piano sound super complex until you know how to play them. It even loses a bit of the magic, like when you stop being fascinated by a magic trick once you know the secret. So, assuming most people don’t know the songs that I can play, they will probably be amazed by it. And here’s the most important part: if I fail, let’s say I hit the wrong note or I’ve suddenly completely forget the rest of the song, it feels like it’s the musical instrument, the piano or the guitar, that is making the mistake. The piano sounded false, not me. At least not directly. When I sing the wrong note, it’s me who literally produced the wrong sound and there is no external thing to blame. Whenever I’m asked to sing when I am not feeling ready for it, I blackout and get really quiet. My eyes get wide, I stutter when I speak, I will try to find a way out, either verbally by changing the subject or physically by walking away, and when it seems like there is really no way out and I am being peer-pressured into singing, my heart starts racing throughout the whole performance.
Stage fright is linked to certain personality traits, like perfectionism and a desire to be in control. Studies have shown that people with performance anxiety think pessimistic thoughts like how viewers are very critical and how they will evaluate you negatively. All the physiological manifestations like accelerated breathing and heart rates are typical for our body's fight-or-flight response, so it is likely that our performance anxiety is closely linked to this primal neurological function.
What I need to realize is that this response is disproportionate and I should see it as a false alarm. One of the best ways to deal with my stage fright is to confront your fears as much as possible. If you’re afraid of public speaking, volunteer to present at your work. If you’re afraid of singing, go to an open mic. For those who want to know, other things that help with stage fright include medication: beta blockers counter the effects of the fight-or-flight response. Surveys have shown that almost a third of symphony orchestra musicians use it. Another alternative is cognitive behavior therapy: it helps people get rid of the negative thoughts that are known to evoke stage fright.
Some people never get completely rid of their stage fright. So I will focus on getting better at managing it. And that includes facing my fears. That is why I recently uploaded a recording of me singing! Check out the video below. A special thanks to Alex van Voorst for supporting me and helping me work on my self-confidence. Here it is: